Window to my Past

my window shows you me
from the outside looking in
please don’t wipe the smudges so you can see
these painful memories are a key part of me
it hard to remember sometimes, so i allow the smudges to remain
the smudges make me, only me not you

i touch beauty
its in my grasp
you cant change my past
what i felt was the truth
rough
raw
pain
no matter how hard you scrub
the smudges still make me, me

i hear a voice
i listen
its your voice
your words made me light on my toes
but i learn from my mistakes

i turn straining to block our your
lies
laughter
crys
your voice belongs to my window, my past

i smell a cool fall day
the scent of your arms wrapped around me
this smell makes me sick and weak
the smell is definite, permanent
stained in my window
i wouldn’t change any of this
i couldn't change any of this
my window lets me and everyone see me
the past and present contained in the glass
whomever i meet decides if they will focus on the intricacy of me or the memories that make me.

nicci.